Morrie.

I met Morrie about a week ago.

I've been spending more than just Tuesdays with him, too.

I've learned a lot from Albom's book - 

it's a lot to take in in a short amount of time.

I almost wished I had read one chapter a week, gaining a lesson at the same pace as Mitch did.

It's so interesting to hear the same life lessons I've always known from a different perspective - 

nothing he says is new.

But it's still quite vibrant to hear advice from a dying man. 

Pay attention when your loved ones are speaking, as if it were the last time you might hear them.

Death scares me.
I have terrible, nightmarish day dreams sometimes when I'm driving by myself.

And I'll make myself cry, just thinking about losing anyone I care so much about.

The whole point of Albom's book - of Morrie's teachings - is to learn to be ok with death,

so we can finally learn how to live. 

I've never lost someone I was immensely close to.

I know one day that time will come.

And as much faith as I have in seeing my loved ones again, in the next life,

the pain of that waiting period - from their death until my death-

scares me tremendously. 

I suppose I can alter Morrie's teaching to my current maturity state: learn to be ok with fearing death,

if that's what motivates me to make the most of my life and those in it.

It's a great book. Like I said, nothing new was presented to me.

But it was a wonderfully tactful reminder, nonetheless.

I didn't cry.

And that was ok.

Next book: Along for the Ride, good ol' Sarah Dessen

Magic.

Boy have we been enjoying this Christmas break!

Honestly, it hasn't felt much like a "break" in that we have done little resting

We have been go-go-go with my parents, family, and many adventures.

Adam and I aren't used to so much driving, swimming, and playing.

One of my new favorite spots is Waipio Valley. 

It was truly a magical, mystical, amazing place.

Mist, flowers, horses -

I felt like I was in my own little girl fantasy fairy-tale land:

The waves were GINORMOUS. Seriously. THEE biggest waves I've EVER played in.

And of course, as we all know, photos don't do it justice.

Yet I try anyway - cuz it's still fun. 

And, unfortunately, all this black sand turned Adam and I into dirty, ravaging trolls.

But we were happy nonetheless.

The results are in...

Our winning give-away photos are in!

Check them out here.

Thanks again LeeYen. I love them!

Christ.Mas.

Now that I've got my whiny post out of the way,

I can focus on what Christmas really means...

Christ mas.

More Christ.

I know I need a bit more (ok, a LOT more)

Christ in my life.

And when I say "in my life," I mean in every sense of the word:

in my eyes - 

to learn to view everyone as a Child of God, and not judge them by first appearance

in my ears - 

to listen more carefully to the still small voice of the Holy Ghost, who prompts me in every decision

in my mouth - 

to only speak kindly of others, to open my mouth and be brave, or to keep it shut and be humble

in my touch - 

that my hands may be used to serve others, hug others, love others

yes, even in my nose -

that it may never wrinkle up in disgust at anything other than my own temptations to sin

and most especially

in my heart.

I pray for more Christ, and yet I know there is only one way to receive that:

through my own diligence!

Scriptures, kneeling in prayer, thinking of Him before all else.

Christ's gift to me - to us all - can never be repayed.

On this night, I give a renewed dedication of myself

if only to attempt at a gift to my Lord and Savior,

Jesus Christ, the creator of all.

Christmas In Hawaii

It's my 3rd Christmas in Hawaii.

The first year, my dad came out and visited me, but left 2 days before Christmas.

I spent Christmas eve crying in my friend's dorm room,

reading The Christmas story in the Bible by myself.

The second year,

I had only been married for 3 months. 

And we were happy as larks -

a big fat student loan sat in our banks, we had a year to live in a house of our own.

This year my mom and her husband are visiting, we're spending the next who-knows-how-long on the Big Island, and the Coqui frogs singing to me are the closest sound I hear to 

Christmas caroling,

my mom's typing on the laptop the closest sound I hear to snow falling softly on the ground outside my window.

Each Christmas has been unique, have all marked a passage of time in my life, new discoveries made.

Gratitude re-established and reinstilled in my heart.

Yet, they've

never 

felt 

like

Christmas. 

I miss snow, and hot chocolate, fire places, slippers, heavy blankets, long pj bottoms and hoodies,

snowmen, pine trees blanketed in white and drizzled with icicles. 

I miss cold.

and knowing what month it is just by looking outside.

I literally get lost in this strange time zone in Hawaii - 

it's neither January nor June, because it's all the same.

It hasn't been 15 months since I got married,

because really it's only been one long summer.

I feel no sense of a passage of time.

And its even worse not being in school - I don't even know what day of the week it is anymore!

I'm trying to be patient.

I'm trying to remember I live in "paradise"

I'm trying to ignore the many fleeting voices of

"Boy aren't you lucky! Its freezing over here! Let's trade places!"

Ok, LET'S! PLEASE!

Can't wait to be back on the "mainland,"

if only to once again enjoy my holidays 

Free.

G.r.A.d.U.a.T.e.D!!!

We are free!

Moving blows.

But at least now I have time for things like, oh, family, photos, Christmas, learning how to sew, watching the office, and this:

and, in about 6 months, this:

Fly to Big Island in 4 days. Until then, staying with in-laws and enjoying the rain and laziness. 

The Buried Life

(I wrote this post forever ago. In the midst of my mid-terms. Now that I'm in the midst of finals, I thought of it again. This is such a lovely poem. Read it all and you'll be glad you did)


Really loving this poem from Matthew Arnold right now

Yes, yes, we know that we can jest,

We know, we know that we can smile!

But there's a something in this breast, 

to which thy light words bring no rest...

Give me thy hand, and hush awhile,

and turn those limpid eyes on mine,

and let me read there, love! they inmost soul

I knew the mass of men concealed

Their thoughts, for fear that if revealed

They would by other men be met

With blank indifference, or with blame reproved;

I knew they lived and moved

Tricked in disguises, alien to the rest

of men, and alien to themselves - and yet

the same heart beats in every human breast!

But we, my love! doth like a spell benumb

Our hearts, our voices? - must we too be dumb?

Ah! well for us, if even we, 

Even for a moment can get free

Our heart, and have our lips unchained;

For that which seals them hath been deep-ordained

Fate foresaw the distractions that would possess man,

How he would pour himself in every strife, and well-night change his own identity - 

that it might keep from his capricious play

His genuine self ....

and that we should not see 

The buried stream, and seem to be

eddying at large in blind uncertainty,

Though driving on with it eternally

and the best part:


Only - but this is rare - 
When a beloved hand is laid in ours,
When, jaded with the rush and glare
of the interminable hours,
Our eyes can in another's eyes read clear, 
When our world-deafened ear
Is by the tones of a loved voice caressed -
A bolt is shot back somewhere in our breast,
And a lost pulse of feeling stirs again.
The eye sinks inward, and the heart lies plain,
And what we mean, we say, and what we would, we know.

Scared.

Here I am, 15 minutes before I need to present my final,

final

English paper as an undergraduate student.

I am so scared.

I'm scared I'm going to cry, after I just put all that make up on.

I'm scared I'm going to sweat right through my deodorant, tank top, shirt, and sweater,

and stand before my professors and peers in pitty pits.

I'm scared I won't be able to answer Ned Williams' philosophical questions about whether or not

Sethe's silence is ethical or not.

I'm scared of leaving my first home with my husband,

my first home away from my family,

my first time being out on my own.

I'm scared of never being in contact with some really great people again.

I'm scared of how long we may be on the Big Island, living with my in-laws,

just waiting to hear if we got a job.

I'm scared we won't get that job we've banking on for the past 3 months.

I'm scared of walking down the stage to pick up my fakey diploma and tripping in front of everyone.

I'm scared of the future, 

I'm scared of regrets in the past.

I'm scared of not living enough in the present.

I'm scared I didn't take advantage enough of college.

I'm scared because I don't know what's next for me, personally.

A baby?

Don't even get me started on how scary that sounds...

A full-time job?

But that means interviews, expectations I'm scared I won't meet, and more stress.

I'm scared to step out into the unknown.

All I have ever known my entire life is school.

I can't ever remember not being in school. 

I'm scared of the moment my parents fly off the Big Island, leaving Adam and I alone with his dad and we look at each other and say,

Now what?

I'm scared of now what.

I'm scared of being bored,

of free time,

of no stress,

of no schedule,

no deadlines.

I'm reallly, really scared of no plans.

I'm scared.

and I need some faith.

Update

The goings-ons in our life lately, in no particular order:

-My parents have arrived on the island safe and sound, even after a midnight car ride through the flood-warning-inducing rain/downpour/thunder storm

- My senior seminar/dissertation/presentation got rescheduled for Tuesday, so I've enjoyed having it hanging over my head for an extra 7 days (oh, and thats the night before finals start)

- My finals on Thursday are from 9am to 5 pm. Nonstop. 4 in a row.

- I love my husband. I love being married.

- I may or may not have written "condescending," "unexpectedly difficult," and "too high of expectations" on a teacher review the other day, only to have him prove these qualities x25 the very next day

- I graduate in 7 days. A bachelor's degree earned (though not in hand till they mail it to me 6 weeks later) in 

2 1/2 years!

- And with said bachelor's degree I have applied for a job at Starbucks. :)

- We got to meet up with my grandparents who were cruisin' the Hawaiian Islands. I asked a lady to take our picture with my ginormous camera. I was about to explain to her how to use it, and she interrupts me with, "Oh I have one just like it. I know how to use it." Funny, yet disappointing, that the picture somehow came out blurry:

-As is obvious in the above photo, I chopped my hair! And I love it. 45 minutes to straighten my frizz turned into 10 minutes of mild taming. 

-I made this as a Christmas present for Adam's brother's family. And I am oh-so-proud of it. 

-I also made this (Delicious Peanut-Butter Brownies)

Senioritis much?

Laughed my head off at this.

Twice.

I'm in the "3 days before finals" stage.

I WON! I WON! I WON!

I WON!

See here.

Can't wait to redeem.

Any suggestions on where to go?

An assignment.

Though it started as an assignment, it became something much more. 

It's meant to be a letter - I've omitted who I intended it for, though I assume this person will guess it was him/herself

It's quite long, but thought I would at least share parts of it.

It is coupled with this video.

Dear -

Thank you for taking the time to watch the video “To This End Was I Born” with me. It was such a special experience to feel the spirit together as we watched the Savior's life and mission unfold. I know the struggles you are going through, the pain and sorrow that you wrestle with, even months after the initial incident. I know there are times when you are searching for answers, solace, and peace, a greater love than I can provide for you, or anyone else in this world. I know you question your own divinity, your mission here on earth, and what is in store for us all in the next life. All of these questions and more can be answered when we look at the Savior's mission.

The video we watched depicted the last days of the Savior's life, His suffering in the Garden of Gethsemane, and His crucifixion. I know sometimes it may be hard for you to imagine a Christ who went through all this, so much more pain than us mortals could ever comprehend, solely based on His profound love for us all – but that is the short answer to your question: Why? Why would He do this for us, such fallen beings? Why would He do this for me, an imperfect nobody? And that's just it; He did it because He loves us. The well-known and often quoted scripture from John 3:16 is popular because it speaks the plain and simple truth: “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son.” He loves me, He loves you, He knows you personally, by name.

There are two very important parts that were depicted in the movie that I want to specifically address and bear you my testimony of: Christ's suffering in Gethsemane and His resurrection. First of all, no actor playing Christ and no director of a staged movie could ever possibly correctly display the pain and agony that Jesus Christ suffered that night in Gethsemane. I view this element of the atonement in a very personal light – I recognize that even if I were the only person in the world, Christ still would have done what He did – if only for me. If only for you. But that's the miracle of it all; it wasn't just me or you. It was everyone. When I partake of the bread during sacrament meeting on Sundays, I think of Christ's bruised and broken body. A crown of thorns pierced into his delicate scalp. The skin on His back ripped and mangled under barbaric whips. A dull nail pounded through His gentle hands, that never did anything but heal others; a second set of nails driven through His soft and veiny forearms, a major source of blood-flow to the body. I swallow my share of torn bread, and think of His physical pain – and all for me.

Next comes the water, His blood. This is the most sacred element of the atonement to me. My two ounce swig of water symbolizes pints of blood pouring from every pore on His body. That swallow is my alone time with Christ – this is my baptism, my gratitude, my moment, my repentance. Because that one swallow was my one drop of blood that oozed from one single pore, among millions of drops from millions of pores for millions of others. I think not only of the terrible sins I've committed, but the countless tears I have cried, the emotional and utter anguish that has tortured my several-times-broken heart. I think of the lonely cries that echoed from my mouth, me thinking no one was listening. I think of the darkness that has enveloped me in the past. And then, I remember that Christ's sacrifice not only atones for my sins, but for my every heartache. He has suffered them too. And why? Because He loves me. I can't say it enough. Because He loves me. Because He loves you. He loves you. And that's why He did it. He suffered so He would better know how to succor me in times of need, so that He could be my advocate before the Father on judgment day, so that He would know how to show me mercy, so that He could know me, inside and out, better than any other being on this earth – because He's gone through all I've gone through and more. He was alone so I would never have to be.

And then, they took Him away. And they crucified Him. They murdered Our King. They did, they did. And I will forever be grateful that Christ did not stay dead for long. Instead, He rose again 3 days later. He defied all logic, reason, mortality itself. He conquered Death – the one monster no one else has ever escaped. He triumphed over Life. I know that I have not lost someone to death that I was extremely close to yet; I also know that one day that time will come. One day I will have to say an unexpected good bye to someone I love very dearly, knowing I will never see them in this life again. However, because of my Lord, my Glorious, Merciful, and All-Powerful Lord, I will see them in the life to come. They will conquer death, just as He did. They will be resurrected.

With resurrection comes a perfection of the body. You know I struggle with my self-image. Bigger this, smaller that. No more acne, psoriasis, scars. But because of the atonement, one day my body will be perfected. No longer will we have to worry about earthly and bodily pains and malfunctions, but we will be a glorified being just as Christ Himself is.

I tell you all this because I need you to understand how much you are loved. I think you may be beginning to understand the love I have for you; however, I'm not sure either one of us will ever be able to comprehend the love Our Father in Heaven and His Beloved Son Jesus Christ have for us. I want you to understand that the atonement is infinite. There is no end to the power it contains. There are no restrictions to the amount of love, mercy, and help that Christ will offer you when you ask. There is no sin for which the atonement does not cover. Never, ever feel unworthy to pray to your Father. Never feel selfish for asking for help, needing to hear from Him you are loved, or just asking for peace. The atonement will not only free you from the bondage of any sins you may be harboring, but it will also bind your wounds, heal your scars, and bring you to a higher level of living. Every single thing Christ did was for you. And me. And for each and every one of us, individually and specifically. He knows your name. Don't be afraid to let Him know you know His, too. 

I agree.

Live more.

Link

The Laie Temple

...is open once again.

We went to our first temple session together in the Laie, Hawaii temple tonight.

How blessed we are to be a 5 minute walk away from the House of the Lord

(and yet, we somehow manage to still be late. Gotta work on that one)

The President of our church, President Thomas S. Monson

payed us a special visit this weekend to rededicate our temple to the Lord.

It was open for 4 weeks to the public,

and any and all were invited to see this beautiful building.

Now that it is rededicated, 

only worthy members are allowed to enter,

where we learn about our lives before we came to earth,

perform ordinances for those who have gone before us without the knowledge of the gospel,

and feel the presence of the Lord close to our hearts.

Mostly, I love the temple because it means:

I get to be with my best friend forever.

My children will be born into a covenant that allows us to also be together forever.

I feel God's love for me and my husband.

I get to return service and love to my ancestors - something that would otherwise be impossible.

Don't Hate Me Cuz I love Christmas

Whats that you say?
No Christmas music till after Thanksgiving?

I don't think so, girlfriend (or boyfriend, whoever's reading)

ESPECIALLY not when we have to take it down early this year, anyhow

(we have to be out of our apartment by December 20th - so it's only fair, right?)

So, yes, we did put up our tree today. 

And yes, Pandora Christmas station was playing in the background.

Happy Holidays!

(Please note our "Heart Wall", as well.

oh, and.

Homemade Peanut Butter Cups.

Find the recipe at my new recipe blogspot:

housewifedinnerdiary.blogspot.com

I have no self control.

That's right.

I have 

NO

SELF

CONTROL.

I will be the first to admit it. 

I've learned that its better to go ALL out or don't go at all.

For example, when I'm feeling especially fat and junk food-y, I absolutely cannot tell myself

Hey, why don't you cut down a little? You know, everything in moderation?

I would not be successful.

BUT when I tell myself NO SWEETS FOR A MONTH.

NOTHING even RESEMBLING chocolate goes into this mouth for a month!

For some reason, I do a lot better. And if I'm not on a strict sugar-free month, 

then I go ape all over the sweets,

eating ice cream at least once a day

and accepting any and all snacks kids bring to every single one of my classes.

*Before continuing on, I want everyone to know that I mean no offense. These were only my personal feelings and what I needed to do for me. I have nothing against those of you who use Facebook and yes, I do see the positive uses of it. 

Welllll....

the same was with Facebook. 

And so, 

what do you think I did?

Yep. I deleted my account.

I don't know quite yet how I did it because about a month ago there was a Facebook group set up for deleting their FB account on January 1st (Yes, I see the immense irony in that)

and I was like, No way Jose! 

But I think something clicked when I read that.

That yes, in fact I could still lead a happy and normal life without it. 

My thoughts to myself consisted of such things as:

You mean I don't need to know every high school peer who got engaged and see every single one of their engagement, bridal, and wedding photos?

....I don't need someone to comment on my every photo that I posted to make it a good shot, a cute couple, or a funny story?

Everybody doesn't need to know what my "status" is every second of my life?

I was realizing how much of my self esteem I was placing on that silly application.

I didn't like that, I didn't like what it was making me become. 

I knew it was getting bad when every time I did something cool or exciting, my first thought would be,

Oh I need to put pictures of this on Facebook!

or I need to change my status!

When it should have been something else, like, 

...I don't know. How fortunate I was to experience it, or how blessed I was.

I guess I mean,

my first thoughts shouldn't have been gloating or boasting 

(I may have tried to combine those words...and came up with bloating. Though I have been doing that lately, too. But for reasons entirely separate from Facebook)

But should have been gratitude. Or appreciation. Not seeking approval from the rest of the world.

Like I said above, I hope no one is offended. It was a person decision, and I of course don't hate or judge or whatever anyone who has Facebook, because obviously it is not an evil thing on its own,

but it was turning into an evil distraction for me.

And I felt the need to put a stop to it.

I kept picturing myself 3 years from now, knowing if I didn't change my habits now they wouldn't be changed on their own when I become a mom.

I worried I would care more about putting my status as 

Pregnant!

Its is boy/girl!

She's so cute!

And posting photos of my baby, that it would take away from the actual experience and my child. That the business of being a mother would force me to cut time out of other areas just so I could update the Facebook world.

I figured the people who mattered most would manifest themselves, and I wouldn't end up missing Facebook all that much anyway.

....And though its only been a week,

I've already learned a few things.

About friends, my time, myself, my wants and my needs.

That guy who, during his group interview for KPMG,

one of the largest professional services firms in the world and one of the Big Four auditors, 

^{(according to Wikipedia)}

when asked where he would travel if he could go anywhere,

answers, "My favorite place to be is with my wife"

and all the girls in the group go "awww....."

Yeah, that guy?

That's my husband.

:)

3 days alone.

My lovely other half is gone for the weekend :(

Off preparing for our future.

When I came home from dropping him off at the airport, I found a note on our bed, signed

I'll be home soon

and I cried. 

For just a little bit.

The National Security Administration has extended

a conditional job offer!

(meaning, pass the lie detector test, background check, psychology quizzes, and other screening,

and we will probably keep you)

Option A would mean staying in Honolulu for 2-3 more years.

Tomorrow and Friday he interviews with KPMG, an auditing company, for a 

technical advisor position.

Option B would mean moving to California. 

We are happy and blessed to have any opportunities, especially ones as significant as these.

The Lord sure loves to keep us on our toes, yeah?

But.

Either way,

I'm getting a puppy. 

For instances such as this: 

Being alone at night and needing someone to snuggle.

And since my 

head

back

and abs

(yes, I have those, under some layers)

are so incredibly S.O.R.E. 

because I cannot.

STOP.

COUGHING.

I shall be heading to bed now.

Love, love.

Rollercoaster

I'm scared to tell you any updates

Because it will probably just change in a week anyway.

And Now we're getting somewhere....

It is one of the most

bitter, bitter, bitter

sweet.

Yes, sweet.

Times of my life.

I believe it has come to this:

We are leaving Hawaii in 10 weeks. 

The decision was partially made for us, partially based on finances, partially based on...

it's time.

We are both looking for jobs. If you hear of anything for an English major or IT/CS/IS major

please let us know. 

We are currently applying to a company called Epic located in Madison, Wisconsin.

And my heart leaps at the thought of it.

I'd be writing,

and Adam would be ...

computer-ing. 

And don't even get me started on their benefits, it makes me drool a little

(ok, I'll share one: every 5 years a paid 4 week vacation. And -get this-

if you travel out of the US, they will pay for you and a companion to go. 

This company supports life-long learning. Therefore, I support this company)

I am loving the light and love you have all sent my way....

it has not gone unnoticed, unappreciated, or unloved.

No Air.

I am suffocating a little.

Mentally, I didn't think I was.

I thought I was doing just fine.

But lately, my body has been telling me otherwise.

I cannot seem to ever get enough air into my lungs.

I am constantly catching up with myself. 

Skipping a heart beat,

checking my pulse and reminding myself that

No, I did not actually just run a marathon

Though I could have sworn I did.

There is a burning in my chest that travels up to my throat,

accompanied with a dizzy head,

and a hot, busy, anxious heart.

I have never been more aware of my breathing, 

or lack thereof.

Its just a little 

anxiety

I know.

I know it is natural, normal, considering all the changes that are coming in the next 10 weeks,

and also considering the load I put on myself

to get there so fast.

I also know that because it is not affecting my daily life-

I am still pushing forward-

it is not dangerously interfering.

and yet....

I could use some help.

I don't know how many read my blog or how often, but if these words meet your eyes,

remember me in your prayers.

Or,

at least,

send me some light and love every time you think about me.

Love, love. 

ps Erika - thanks for the encouragement already. You're sweet and wonderful.

Not again....

14 books and $280 later,

I begin my first day of my last semester as an undergraduate at 

 BYU-Hawaii.

Its gonna be another brutal semester, just like last Winter:

2 Shakespeare classes (yes, TWO)

Victorian Literature

PostModern American Literature

New Testament

Senior Seminar (in which I retake 5 of my core English finals and write a 25+ page dissertation that I present to all of my English professors and get grilled with questions)

Let's get this party started.

So I have this thing....

with horses.

If you haven't noticed. 

oh, and also

I'm changing my photography business name to

m rose photography

I am is just too pooooopular. 

(Though I thought of it first, of course)

Hour Won Ye Ear Annie Verse Hairy

In the words of my dear friend Heather Cox,

What a year, yeah?

What a year, indeed. 

On September 5th, 2009, we got married in the Logan Temple.

In the past 12 months, my husband has shown me

my true potential, my divinity, my inner - as well as outer - beauty;

We both have

loved, grown, sewed and reaped the benefits of nourishing and nurturing a marriage

I have learned so much about what it means to be a wife -

It means so much more than house cleaning and cooking (though those are major parts, I've discovered)

It truly is putting him before myself

and him doing the same for me

And that, right there, in and of itself, is a truly beautiful thing. 

It is a little piece of celestial-ality

a bit of heaven on earth, if you will.

I haven't given up much,

and yet have received so much love 

in return.

So very much love. 

I discover more and more each day the power of love. 

The kind of love that Christ showed while He walked this earth, teaching and healing

The kind of love Christ demonstrated when he suffered so much for all of us -

just because He wants to be with us all again some day.

I learn more about this type of love as I more fully learn how to

demonstrate this type of love.

As I wrote in my journal:

"As the days, weeks, months, years go by, I find myself loving Adam

a little more and it continues to amaze me. 

Once we reach eternity together,

our love will be perfect and perpetual"

Adam, and his characteristics, are truly more than I could have thought up on my own. 

To me, my husband is a testimony that God knows me personally. 

God knows me better than I know myself,

and He loves me more than I love myself,

because without God, I may not have picked Adam.

And that is truly a sad thought.

I would have fallen so short

of the blessings I am receiving now. 

(and possibly my kids wouldn't have been as cute as they will be in the future)

I guess what I am trying to say is,

I love him more now than I did a year ago. 

And it is only because God loves me that I have Adam. 

Below are pictures from our anniversary weekend adventures: Sea Life park and a homemade kite :)

Would that this next year be as wonderful as the past one.

Moana

My mind clears.

My skin is renewed - 

and so is my soul. 

(though my hair suffers)

Its not about the tan --- although thats a nice plus.

Its about the freedom I feel

Facing open, endless possibilities

Its quite frightening

and quite exhilarating. 

And thus begins my love affair with the ocean.

It's Official!

I have a website.

www.i-am-photography.com

This lovely couple....

is getting married in 6 days.

And I am so excited to be their photographer!

Antsy Pantsy Artsy Fartsy

There is a little something about graduation that is just 

DRIVING. ME. CRAZY. 

and I'm pretty sure its called

senior-itis. 

Worse than high school.

Because now, I have to start a career. A job. You know, earning money. 

All these plans running around like little leprechauns, just barely out of reach, and I can't quite tell if they are

actually there or not....

Anyhow, I was in such a mood of "unsettled"-ness. So much anxiety; wanting to move on, yet recognizing I still had hours of homework due before I graduate...before the end of this month...

by tomorrow (and of course, I haven't even started on it). 

Instead, I'm surfing the net for the next house we get to live in,

puppies I want to buy when I'm no longer in TVA and am allowed to have pets

and looking for jobs that pay enough to keep a puppy alive (plus my husband and I, of course).

On top of this anxiousness to move on, lately I have been feeling so incredibly inadequate. 

I look at other people's blogs (this is going to sound pathetic)....and all I can think is, "40 comments? Are you serious? The most I've ever gotten is 2!" 

Or, "I should just give up. My photography will never compare to theirs." 

It was quite pathetic.

The point is....I stumbled upon this lovely article as I lay exhausted in bed.

And it completely put me in my place. 

All things in order.

Prayer before food.

Scriptures before homework.

Homework before play.

Graduation before job.

Job before puppy.

Inappropriate or irrational concern for how our efforts compare to the accomplishments of others will result in unnecessary frustration and spiritual decline. Diligent attention to our duties, our inspired choices, and recognition of our limits will enable us to "win the prize."

Go Ensign! For always knowing what I need!

As far as the artsy part of this post, I did manage to finish my very first wedding album. I sent off for the prints, and am excited to mail it off to the bride and groom who have been so patient with me!

Keep Walking

Our bishop told us to just keep walking. 

Walking is just falling and catching yourself every time.

I must have faith that He will catch us. 

I have so much desire to learn more and grow more

yet feel so sluggishly inadequate

Still working on K+T's wedding. Beautiful couple. They made my job easy.

Here's a page from their album I am working on.

Spinnnnnning in Love

Independence - it feels goooood

As much as I blabber about wanting to travel...

I'm oh-so-glad to live in this beautiful land that I do

I AM FREE

to worship my own God

to gather in a church building

to speak my mind

to say NO

to say yes

to vote

to choose

to live

to love

to earn

to become

Thank you to those who have worked hard, lived loyally, and died honestly to make that possible.

God bless the USA

Learned a new trick

(it'll get better with some more practice... :)

Chip

My kitty Chip (formerly known as Autumn) died two days ago. He did not pass from old age; there was much suffering involved, and it pains me to think that possibly I could have prevented it. Was it caused by the storm? Was it an accident? 

I'll never know. 

I was surprised at myself as the tears came...and came. And hours later, came back again. 

I was much more attached to this little guy than I thought. 

We got him when I was 10 - mom and dad surprised me with him and his brother. I would carry them both around, one in each arm, their back legs dragging to the ground. His brother was soon off on his own adventure, and I never saw him again. 

It was Chip who stuck around, and purred his way into my heart. 

I never understood pet portraits....

until now.

I've decided to do portraits of all my pets from here on out. This was the lost photo taken of Chip - just a few weeks before he died. I'm so glad I have this picture. As Dad said, I got the lost shot of him.

"Say a prayer for Chip, because he's in heaven now."