Tuesday, November 30, 2010


Can't wait to redeem.
Any suggestions on where to go?

An assignment.

Though it started as an assignment, it became something much more. 
It's meant to be a letter - I've omitted who I intended it for, though I assume this person will guess it was him/herself
It's quite long, but thought I would at least share parts of it.
It is coupled with this video.

Dear -
Thank you for taking the time to watch the video “To This End Was I Born” with me. It was such a special experience to feel the spirit together as we watched the Savior's life and mission unfold. I know the struggles you are going through, the pain and sorrow that you wrestle with, even months after the initial incident. I know there are times when you are searching for answers, solace, and peace, a greater love than I can provide for you, or anyone else in this world. I know you question your own divinity, your mission here on earth, and what is in store for us all in the next life. All of these questions and more can be answered when we look at the Savior's mission.
The video we watched depicted the last days of the Savior's life, His suffering in the Garden of Gethsemane, and His crucifixion. I know sometimes it may be hard for you to imagine a Christ who went through all this, so much more pain than us mortals could ever comprehend, solely based on His profound love for us all – but that is the short answer to your question: Why? Why would He do this for us, such fallen beings? Why would He do this for me, an imperfect nobody? And that's just it; He did it because He loves us. The well-known and often quoted scripture from John 3:16 is popular because it speaks the plain and simple truth: “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son.” He loves me, He loves you, He knows you personally, by name.
There are two very important parts that were depicted in the movie that I want to specifically address and bear you my testimony of: Christ's suffering in Gethsemane and His resurrection. First of all, no actor playing Christ and no director of a staged movie could ever possibly correctly display the pain and agony that Jesus Christ suffered that night in Gethsemane. I view this element of the atonement in a very personal light – I recognize that even if I were the only person in the world, Christ still would have done what He did – if only for me. If only for you. But that's the miracle of it all; it wasn't just me or you. It was everyone. When I partake of the bread during sacrament meeting on Sundays, I think of Christ's bruised and broken body. A crown of thorns pierced into his delicate scalp. The skin on His back ripped and mangled under barbaric whips. A dull nail pounded through His gentle hands, that never did anything but heal others; a second set of nails driven through His soft and veiny forearms, a major source of blood-flow to the body. I swallow my share of torn bread, and think of His physical pain – and all for me.
Next comes the water, His blood. This is the most sacred element of the atonement to me. My two ounce swig of water symbolizes pints of blood pouring from every pore on His body. That swallow is my alone time with Christ – this is my baptism, my gratitude, my moment, my repentance. Because that one swallow was my one drop of blood that oozed from one single pore, among millions of drops from millions of pores for millions of others. I think not only of the terrible sins I've committed, but the countless tears I have cried, the emotional and utter anguish that has tortured my several-times-broken heart. I think of the lonely cries that echoed from my mouth, me thinking no one was listening. I think of the darkness that has enveloped me in the past. And then, I remember that Christ's sacrifice not only atones for my sins, but for my every heartache. He has suffered them too. And why? Because He loves me. I can't say it enough. Because He loves me. Because He loves you. He loves you. And that's why He did it. He suffered so He would better know how to succor me in times of need, so that He could be my advocate before the Father on judgment day, so that He would know how to show me mercy, so that He could know me, inside and out, better than any other being on this earth – because He's gone through all I've gone through and more. He was alone so I would never have to be.
And then, they took Him away. And they crucified Him. They murdered Our King. They did, they did. And I will forever be grateful that Christ did not stay dead for long. Instead, He rose again 3 days later. He defied all logic, reason, mortality itself. He conquered Death – the one monster no one else has ever escaped. He triumphed over Life. I know that I have not lost someone to death that I was extremely close to yet; I also know that one day that time will come. One day I will have to say an unexpected good bye to someone I love very dearly, knowing I will never see them in this life again. However, because of my Lord, my Glorious, Merciful, and All-Powerful Lord, I will see them in the life to come. They will conquer death, just as He did. They will be resurrected.
With resurrection comes a perfection of the body. You know I struggle with my self-image. Bigger this, smaller that. No more acne, psoriasis, scars. But because of the atonement, one day my body will be perfected. No longer will we have to worry about earthly and bodily pains and malfunctions, but we will be a glorified being just as Christ Himself is.
I tell you all this because I need you to understand how much you are loved. I think you may be beginning to understand the love I have for you; however, I'm not sure either one of us will ever be able to comprehend the love Our Father in Heaven and His Beloved Son Jesus Christ have for us. I want you to understand that the atonement is infinite. There is no end to the power it contains. There are no restrictions to the amount of love, mercy, and help that Christ will offer you when you ask. There is no sin for which the atonement does not cover. Never, ever feel unworthy to pray to your Father. Never feel selfish for asking for help, needing to hear from Him you are loved, or just asking for peace. The atonement will not only free you from the bondage of any sins you may be harboring, but it will also bind your wounds, heal your scars, and bring you to a higher level of living. Every single thing Christ did was for you. And me. And for each and every one of us, individually and specifically. He knows your name. Don't be afraid to let Him know you know His, too. 

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

The Laie Temple

...is open once again.
We went to our first temple session together in the Laie, Hawaii temple tonight.
How blessed we are to be a 5 minute walk away from the House of the Lord
(and yet, we somehow manage to still be late. Gotta work on that one)
The President of our church, President Thomas S. Monson
payed us a special visit this weekend to rededicate our temple to the Lord.
It was open for 4 weeks to the public,
and any and all were invited to see this beautiful building.
Now that it is rededicated, 
only worthy members are allowed to enter,
where we learn about our lives before we came to earth,
perform ordinances for those who have gone before us without the knowledge of the gospel,
and feel the presence of the Lord close to our hearts.

Mostly, I love the temple because it means:
I get to be with my best friend forever.
My children will be born into a covenant that allows us to also be together forever.
I feel God's love for me and my husband.
I get to return service and love to my ancestors - something that would otherwise be impossible.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Don't Hate Me Cuz I love Christmas

Whats that you say?
No Christmas music till after Thanksgiving?
I don't think so, girlfriend (or boyfriend, whoever's reading)
ESPECIALLY not when we have to take it down early this year, anyhow
(we have to be out of our apartment by December 20th - so it's only fair, right?)

So, yes, we did put up our tree today. 
And yes, Pandora Christmas station was playing in the background.

Happy Holidays!
(Please note our "Heart Wall", as well.

oh, and.
Homemade Peanut Butter Cups.
Find the recipe at my new recipe blogspot:

Friday, November 12, 2010

I have no self control.

That's right.
I have 
I will be the first to admit it. 
I've learned that its better to go ALL out or don't go at all.
For example, when I'm feeling especially fat and junk food-y, I absolutely cannot tell myself
Hey, why don't you cut down a little? You know, everything in moderation?
I would not be successful.
BUT when I tell myself NO SWEETS FOR A MONTH.
NOTHING even RESEMBLING chocolate goes into this mouth for a month!
For some reason, I do a lot better. And if I'm not on a strict sugar-free month, 
then I go ape all over the sweets,
eating ice cream at least once a day
and accepting any and all snacks kids bring to every single one of my classes.

*Before continuing on, I want everyone to know that I mean no offense. These were only my personal feelings and what I needed to do for me. I have nothing against those of you who use Facebook and yes, I do see the positive uses of it. 

the same was with Facebook. 
And so, 
what do you think I did?
Yep. I deleted my account.
I don't know quite yet how I did it because about a month ago there was a Facebook group set up for deleting their FB account on January 1st (Yes, I see the immense irony in that)
and I was like, No way Jose! 
But I think something clicked when I read that.
That yes, in fact I could still lead a happy and normal life without it. 
My thoughts to myself consisted of such things as:
You mean I don't need to know every high school peer who got engaged and see every single one of their engagement, bridal, and wedding photos?
....I don't need someone to comment on my every photo that I posted to make it a good shot, a cute couple, or a funny story?
Everybody doesn't need to know what my "status" is every second of my life?

I was realizing how much of my self esteem I was placing on that silly application.
I didn't like that, I didn't like what it was making me become. 
I knew it was getting bad when every time I did something cool or exciting, my first thought would be,
Oh I need to put pictures of this on Facebook!
or I need to change my status!
When it should have been something else, like, 
...I don't know. How fortunate I was to experience it, or how blessed I was.
I guess I mean,
my first thoughts shouldn't have been gloating or boasting 
(I may have tried to combine those words...and came up with bloating. Though I have been doing that lately, too. But for reasons entirely separate from Facebook)
But should have been gratitude. Or appreciation. Not seeking approval from the rest of the world.

Like I said above, I hope no one is offended. It was a person decision, and I of course don't hate or judge or whatever anyone who has Facebook, because obviously it is not an evil thing on its own,
but it was turning into an evil distraction for me.
And I felt the need to put a stop to it.
I kept picturing myself 3 years from now, knowing if I didn't change my habits now they wouldn't be changed on their own when I become a mom.
I worried I would care more about putting my status as 
Its is boy/girl!
She's so cute!

And posting photos of my baby, that it would take away from the actual experience and my child. That the business of being a mother would force me to cut time out of other areas just so I could update the Facebook world.
I figured the people who mattered most would manifest themselves, and I wouldn't end up missing Facebook all that much anyway.
....And though its only been a week,
I've already learned a few things.
About friends, my time, myself, my wants and my needs.

Friday, November 5, 2010

That guy who, during his group interview for KPMG,
one of the largest professional services firms in the world and one of the Big Four auditors
(according to Wikipedia)

when asked where he would travel if he could go anywhere,

answers, "My favorite place to be is with my wife"

and all the girls in the group go "awww....."

Yeah, that guy?

That's my husband.


Thursday, November 4, 2010

3 days alone.

My lovely other half is gone for the weekend :(
Off preparing for our future.
When I came home from dropping him off at the airport, I found a note on our bed, signed
I'll be home soon
and I cried. 
For just a little bit.

The National Security Administration has extended
a conditional job offer!
(meaning, pass the lie detector test, background check, psychology quizzes, and other screening,
and we will probably keep you)
Option A would mean staying in Honolulu for 2-3 more years.

Tomorrow and Friday he interviews with KPMG, an auditing company, for a 
technical advisor position.
Option B would mean moving to California. 

We are happy and blessed to have any opportunities, especially ones as significant as these.
The Lord sure loves to keep us on our toes, yeah?

Either way,
I'm getting a puppy. 
For instances such as this: 
Being alone at night and needing someone to snuggle.

And since my 
and abs
(yes, I have those, under some layers)
are so incredibly S.O.R.E. 
because I cannot.

I shall be heading to bed now.

Love, love.