Life at 39 Weeks Pregnant

The days pass so slowly.


I thought when I quit my job that I would be bored. Like really really bored. But the bored-ness never came. I kept myself pretty busy and occupied with projects and friends and cleaning and planning and what-have-you's ......until the last 3 weeks. I feel like all I do now is twiddle my thumbs and hum and haw and sigh and mostly just wait. 
W
A
I
T.


Wait and sigh some more.


Well, I do a few other things, too. 


I've been "assigned' two hours of resting time a day from my midwife to help reduce the swelling in my ankles. This is when I watch Friends. I'm on season 5 now and I've learned a few things -- I like Chandler the least and Monica drives me absolutely bonkers and Rachel looks like my mom and Phoebe is pretty wacko and Ross is a sissy and Joey ....well, he's the best friend of them all. I cried when Phoebe gave birth to the triplets and gave them to her brother and his wife. And I laughed my head off when Ross couldn't get his leather pants back on.


On the days that I have doctor's appointments, which is far, far too often, I take Adam to work and pick him up (since we only have the one car between us. We also only have the one cell phone between us and neither one is really as bad as you would think). So on days that I get the car, I really get things done. Like last week, I had a dentist appointment, a midwife appointment, an appointment to get a new windshield for our car (stupid rocks), a lunch date with Jeanna, a chiropractor appointment, an appointment with my specialist, a Costco trip, and an appointment to get my blood drawn -- in three days! It was nutso. 


I read. I just finished The Fault in Our Stars and am also reading Hunchback of Notre Dame. 


I also am slowly working on a rough draft for a writing contest Jeanna made invited me to participate in.

I cook dinner for us and then extra dinner for the freezer so I don't have to cook when baby comes. I clean up the messes I make (usually) and try to keep the house somewhat orderly.

I try really hard to take Kaleo for a walk everyday, but some days are better than others in both the Pain and Energy levels. Even if it's just a limp around the block, I try to do it. My hips are really starting to kill me. Sigh. Sigh, sigh, sigh.

In other, more exciting news, we gained another niece last week! Congrats to Keola and Phil on their sweet baby girl, Emma Kenani. I see so much of Baby Jonathan in her.






I got a little tired today - as I do most days - so I opted for the quick-and-easy-cell-phone belly photo rather than my usual nicer attempts.

How far along? 39 Weeks

Total weight gain/loss:  55 pounds. I feel like this is a problem. But I'm so close to the end that I don't even care at this point.

Maternity clothes? I tried on the largest shirt I own today and it was bursting at the seams. Yet another sigh.

Stretch marks? Yes. And more.

Sleep: I've been taking more naps lately than I have my whole pregnancy. From what I hear, this is good. Very good. 

Best moment this week: Adam: "There's like a BABY-sized baby in there!"

Miss Anything? People not paying so much attention to me? I don't much like the spotlight on me. I went to the temple last night and it was probably the closest to famous I will ever be. The little old ladies there, bless their hearts, went off about how "brave" I was --- as if I shouldn't even be taking a step out of the house at this point! 

"I hope you're on your way to the hospital after this, dear!"  

"Oh just let her finish this sheet - she's due in a week! She can only handle so much!"

"Are you feeling alright? Do you need a break?"

No, no, and um, no. If I didn't think I could handle it, I wouldn't have done it. And it's either waiting at home or waiting at the temple and guess what I chose? I do enough At Home these days. 

Movement: Lots. And big ones. That are directly on my bladder and they really. really. really. really don't feel good. 

Food cravings: I am preferring caramel over chocolate these days. And that is not typical.

Anything making you queasy or sick: I am a bit more sensitive these days. Just get acidy or nauseous a little easier. 

Labor Signs: My belly measured 3 cms smaller this week than last week -- so he's dropped! Good sign.

Happy or Moody most of the time: I'm pretty cranky in my old pregnancy days.

Looking forward to: His birth day.

Well. I'm off to eat some pineapple. Or do some squats. Or drink raspberry leaf tea. Or whatever else we're supposed to do to get things moving.

One week.

I've been putting off writing this post, as I'm not sure how to turn my feelings into words.

Truth is sometimes more complicated than we think.

We lost our baby nephew yesterday.

He passed away in his mommy's arms a few minutes after turning extactly one week old.

One week.

That's all the time he had on this earth.

That's all the time he needed.

He accomplished more in that week --

He brought more people to prayer, their families, and Christ

in those 7 days

than I ever will in my entire lifetime.

What a privilege, honor, and blessing it was to have known him for this short time.

I watched him all. day. long. yesterday.

I carried my computer from room to room, wanting him to be with me for as long as he could.

I knew his time was short.

I cannot wait for the day when I will meet him in person and share with him a long-awaited hug.

I will never forget the impact he had on my heart.

Such a tiny boy with such a large mission.

Such a righteous family to have him be a part of it.

Such a loving Heavenly Father we have --

to provide peace and comfort in this difficult situation,

to provide a promise of eternal families and reunion after death,

to provide us with this chance to know baby Jonathan.

I love you Jonathan Kunoa Dauphinee.

I'm so lucky to be your Aunty Meghan.

I can't wait to see what your mission is on the other side <3

*Adam and I will be flying to California on July 8th to attend his funeral on July 9th. Adam will return on Tuesday evening, and I have yet to purchase my ticket back home. Continued prayers for the comfort of the Dauphinee family is so much appreciated and needed.

I watch you sleep.

Dear Sweet Jonathan,

You are holding on to the last grips of life,

Your tiny body fighting against pain, swelling, sickness, and medication.

I watch you sleep -

Your eyes swollen shut, your bruised hands,
tubes weaving in and out,

and still I see that belly rise and fall, each breath a glimmer of hope.

But the truth is, Baby J,

YOU are hope.

YOU are love.

YOU are a pure soul, a quiet angel

swooping down from heaven to make us all catch our own breaths,

gasp at your presence,

your beauty

your life-lessons.

Make us stop in our tracks, gripping the hands of our loved ones,

begging us to behold one another.

You have brought us close,
surrounding you and one another with prayer and supplications to the

Mighty One Above.

You reminded me of what a true fast consists of,
something I had long forgotten.

You reminded me how to pray with every ounce of my heart,
a swift lesson I will not soon forsake again.

You reminded me of the importance of scriptures and the presence of the Holy Ghost.

You reminded me to stay close to my family -
for they truly are forever.

You reminded me that if I love being Aunty Meghan this much,

that I weep for a tiny boy
I have only met through the belly of my sister,

then I can't even fathom how much I will love being mommy.

You've done this and so much more for me and Uncle Adam,

and we are 5,000 miles away from you.

Your spirit is a special one, my dear.

Your mommy is so special, too, J.
And so is your daddy, and brother and sister.

But you already know that.

That's why you've been born into their fold.

I give you strength to carry on, to fulfill your mission:

whether it be in this life, or the next.

I watch you sleep.

And I whisper to you,

"You are loved, child."

*Baby Jonathan has been blessed and given a name, and was able to officially meet his older brother and sister for the first time last night. He is no longer responding to stimulation, and is severely brain damaged at this point. Noe says, "No matter what happens Jonathan has already done a great work in bringing our family and many others closer to each other and God. We are proud of him and all he has been able to accomplish. We have been so blessed with all of your love, support and prayers during this time of need. Please continue to keep Jonathan and our family in your thoughts and prayers."

Light and Love please

Jonathan Kunoa Dauphinee.

I only have one sibling - my older brother. He doesn't have any kids, so I had never been an aunt before I married Adam.

And then I discovered the joys of nieces and nephews.

And when Noelani got pregnant, it was the first pregnancy I was ever able to be a part of in such a meaningful way. She was my sister, and I watched her belly grow. We even lived with their family for 6 weeks while Noe was about 5 months along. I got to feel the baby kick --- my first time ever!

I went with her to the ultrasound where we found out -- it was a BOY! ---- my first time ever!

It was such a special experience seeing his little body on that black and white screen -

 a tiny bean of a boy sleeping soundly in the basketball that was Noe's belly.

I loved him then.

And I love him even more now.

My very first! nephew that I've witnessed from start (while...not exactly...you know what I mean) to out of the womb.

I started crying when I read JKD was just born! on our cell phone screen.

And then I read the next text:

"Now going to the NICU. Please pass the word."

and

"Please pray for Jonathan he is in critical care"

And immediately my heart was thrown in reverse. How could this be happening? He was just born. He was my new special nephew.

We soon found out Jonathan had contracted type B strep in the womb a few hours before being born. 

His respiratory system and circulatory system is failing, causing internal bleeding and swelling in both his brain and spinal fluid. This has also led to multiple seizures. The doctors do not know how long he will last, or if the swelling and bleeding will do permanent damage or not.

  We have been able to watch the little guy on a live web cam that the hospital has posted online - what a blessing it is to see him in such a desperate time. And sometimes, when the angle is just right and my internet fast enough, I can see him breathing. His little belly going up and down, and I pray it never stops.

Please. Keep this little button nosed cutie and his family in your thoughts and prayers.

 Just by reading this, you are thinking of him, and therefore sending light and love their way. Thank you.

They need all they can get.