Rollercoaster

I'm scared to tell you any updates

Because it will probably just change in a week anyway.

And Now we're getting somewhere....

It is one of the most

bitter, bitter, bitter

sweet.

Yes, sweet.

Times of my life.

I believe it has come to this:

We are leaving Hawaii in 10 weeks. 

The decision was partially made for us, partially based on finances, partially based on...

it's time.

We are both looking for jobs. If you hear of anything for an English major or IT/CS/IS major

please let us know. 

We are currently applying to a company called Epic located in Madison, Wisconsin.

And my heart leaps at the thought of it.

I'd be writing,

and Adam would be ...

computer-ing. 

And don't even get me started on their benefits, it makes me drool a little

(ok, I'll share one: every 5 years a paid 4 week vacation. And -get this-

if you travel out of the US, they will pay for you and a companion to go. 

This company supports life-long learning. Therefore, I support this company)

I am loving the light and love you have all sent my way....

it has not gone unnoticed, unappreciated, or unloved.

No Air.

I am suffocating a little.

Mentally, I didn't think I was.

I thought I was doing just fine.

But lately, my body has been telling me otherwise.

I cannot seem to ever get enough air into my lungs.

I am constantly catching up with myself. 

Skipping a heart beat,

checking my pulse and reminding myself that

No, I did not actually just run a marathon

Though I could have sworn I did.

There is a burning in my chest that travels up to my throat,

accompanied with a dizzy head,

and a hot, busy, anxious heart.

I have never been more aware of my breathing, 

or lack thereof.

Its just a little 

anxiety

I know.

I know it is natural, normal, considering all the changes that are coming in the next 10 weeks,

and also considering the load I put on myself

to get there so fast.

I also know that because it is not affecting my daily life-

I am still pushing forward-

it is not dangerously interfering.

and yet....

I could use some help.

I don't know how many read my blog or how often, but if these words meet your eyes,

remember me in your prayers.

Or,

at least,

send me some light and love every time you think about me.

Love, love. 

ps Erika - thanks for the encouragement already. You're sweet and wonderful.

Not again....

14 books and $280 later,

I begin my first day of my last semester as an undergraduate at 

 BYU-Hawaii.

Its gonna be another brutal semester, just like last Winter:

2 Shakespeare classes (yes, TWO)

Victorian Literature

PostModern American Literature

New Testament

Senior Seminar (in which I retake 5 of my core English finals and write a 25+ page dissertation that I present to all of my English professors and get grilled with questions)

Let's get this party started.

So I have this thing....

with horses.

If you haven't noticed. 

oh, and also

I'm changing my photography business name to

m rose photography

I am is just too pooooopular. 

(Though I thought of it first, of course)

Hour Won Ye Ear Annie Verse Hairy

In the words of my dear friend Heather Cox,

What a year, yeah?

What a year, indeed. 

On September 5th, 2009, we got married in the Logan Temple.

In the past 12 months, my husband has shown me

my true potential, my divinity, my inner - as well as outer - beauty;

We both have

loved, grown, sewed and reaped the benefits of nourishing and nurturing a marriage

I have learned so much about what it means to be a wife -

It means so much more than house cleaning and cooking (though those are major parts, I've discovered)

It truly is putting him before myself

and him doing the same for me

And that, right there, in and of itself, is a truly beautiful thing. 

It is a little piece of celestial-ality

a bit of heaven on earth, if you will.

I haven't given up much,

and yet have received so much love 

in return.

So very much love. 

I discover more and more each day the power of love. 

The kind of love that Christ showed while He walked this earth, teaching and healing

The kind of love Christ demonstrated when he suffered so much for all of us -

just because He wants to be with us all again some day.

I learn more about this type of love as I more fully learn how to

demonstrate this type of love.

As I wrote in my journal:

"As the days, weeks, months, years go by, I find myself loving Adam

a little more and it continues to amaze me. 

Once we reach eternity together,

our love will be perfect and perpetual"

Adam, and his characteristics, are truly more than I could have thought up on my own. 

To me, my husband is a testimony that God knows me personally. 

God knows me better than I know myself,

and He loves me more than I love myself,

because without God, I may not have picked Adam.

And that is truly a sad thought.

I would have fallen so short

of the blessings I am receiving now. 

(and possibly my kids wouldn't have been as cute as they will be in the future)

I guess what I am trying to say is,

I love him more now than I did a year ago. 

And it is only because God loves me that I have Adam. 

Below are pictures from our anniversary weekend adventures: Sea Life park and a homemade kite :)

Would that this next year be as wonderful as the past one.

Moana

My mind clears.

My skin is renewed - 

and so is my soul. 

(though my hair suffers)

Its not about the tan --- although thats a nice plus.

Its about the freedom I feel

Facing open, endless possibilities

Its quite frightening

and quite exhilarating. 

And thus begins my love affair with the ocean.