Today I wore the skirt

Today I wore the skirt, because I learned my lesson from last week.

What happened last week?

Well, last week I thought to myself, "You know, it's been awhile since I wore a dress to church. And surely I won't need to nurse Axton during those short three hours, right? I should wear a dress." So, I did. I picked out a cute, zip-up-the-side, can't-possibly-get-to-my-boobs dress. I also wore my zebra-print bra that is most certainly not nursing friendly. Heck, let's go all the way! Put that chest on lock-down, Mama!

Church is hard for us this year because the time got changed to 1pm - aka Axton's naptime. We generally get through sacrament, the first hour, just fine. On good days, he will fall asleep with Dad during second hour. On bad days, he doesn't, and by the time I get him, he's practically a zombie. Well last week was worse than normal. He was on the verge of a melt-down and the pacifier wasn't helping much. So I snuck him away to the Mother's Lounge to undo my entire wardrobe. I unzipped the dress, ripped a few seams pulling the sleeves down (so my legs could at least stay covered by the skirt of my dress, and I yanked my zebra-print bra up to my neck. Sure, I had a nursing cover the size of a napkin, so that helped tons.

Not.

Axton, of course, fell asleep within minutes. Meaning, I was stuck. If I moved to cover myself back up, Axton would wake up and all hell would break loose. If I stayed where I was....well, I was practically naked from the waist up, so all I could do was pray no one else came in.

....The first time the door opened, I attempted to pull my zebra-print bra down, because at that point I'm sure even the satellites in outer space could see its black and white glory. I spread my nursing cover over as much of me as I could, but it was a pathetic attempt. The other woman tried to be quiet when she saw Axton's sleeping face poking out from under the cover, and we had a few awkward moments of silence as she prepared to nurse.

"I'm sorry I'm practically naked over here," I blurted out, unable to pretend like I didn't look absolutely ridiculous anymore. She smiled, "It's fine."

But I kept going: "You would think I would know by now not to wear a dress to church. I don't even know why I did. I just thought he wouldn't need to nurse, but I guess it's always safer just to wear a skirt, right?"

Shut up, Meghan. She's already freaked out by your hooker bra, just let it go. Any potential friendship with this woman is already doomed.

The door opened again, shortly after, and this woman evidently knew the first woman, and they started chatting up a storm.

Yes, don't mind me. The not-nursing nursing Mom with the nerve to wear a dress (gasp!) and a non-nursing bra to church (double gasp!)

Under normal conditions (normal being, I had worn what I was supposed to: a skirt with an stretchy shirt and a bra with clips on it) I would have loved to chat with these women so as to avoid the awkwardness. Instead, I didn't say anything about my overly-exposed top half to the second woman; my first efforts to explain myself had proved unsuccessful, so no reason to draw even more attention to myself. They both eventually left, and I heaved a heavy sigh of both relief and minor frustration, hoping no one else had to see me like this.

The tiny click of the door a few minutes later, made me jump and I turned towards it, my face prepared with my "Don't-mind-me, come-on-in!" smile. That smile quickly fell and was replaced with furrowed eyebrows and a grumpy mouth. It wasn't a woman peeking through the door, but a full-grown, grey-headed man.

"Sorry." He said.

"Yeah you better be sorry, creepo! This is a woman's room, why don't you knock?" I thought, because I was too shocked to speak it. His eyes shifted to my zebra-print bra (of course!) and back up to my face.

Then.
Then he said:

"Hi."

.....Excuse me? You already offered the only acceptable thing to say in this situation, which was a short apology, why in the world would you dare to say anything else? Just. Shut. The. Door.

I stared at him until he did, my cheeks burning red, and then when I was once again alone, I closed my eyes and shook my head.

I shoulda wore the skirt.


And then I started to laugh. I laughed until I worried I was going to wake up Axton, and then I stifled my giggles into that stupid black and white padding, and cursed this dress. I stayed there until I heard the voices that meant church was over had faded, and then I woke him up and put myself back together.

Today in church, as I sat in my skirt and nursing bra, I was reminded of this story during Primary when one of the male teachers walked into the room wearing....
A zebra-print tie. I couldn't stop laughing the whole hour.

I can't be the only one with humiliating breast-feeding stories, can I? Anyone else ever get stuck in the most awkward of places and conditions while nursing? I want to hear them!


PS You can see a picture of the actual skirt I wore on my photoblog (and also some really cute pictures of Axton, so clickety-click!)