Rollercoaster

I'm scared to tell you any updates

Because it will probably just change in a week anyway.

And Now we're getting somewhere....

It is one of the most

bitter, bitter, bitter

sweet.

Yes, sweet.

Times of my life.

I believe it has come to this:

We are leaving Hawaii in 10 weeks. 

The decision was partially made for us, partially based on finances, partially based on...

it's time.

We are both looking for jobs. If you hear of anything for an English major or IT/CS/IS major

please let us know. 

We are currently applying to a company called Epic located in Madison, Wisconsin.

And my heart leaps at the thought of it.

I'd be writing,

and Adam would be ...

computer-ing. 

And don't even get me started on their benefits, it makes me drool a little

(ok, I'll share one: every 5 years a paid 4 week vacation. And -get this-

if you travel out of the US, they will pay for you and a companion to go. 

This company supports life-long learning. Therefore, I support this company)

I am loving the light and love you have all sent my way....

it has not gone unnoticed, unappreciated, or unloved.

No Air.

I am suffocating a little.

Mentally, I didn't think I was.

I thought I was doing just fine.

But lately, my body has been telling me otherwise.

I cannot seem to ever get enough air into my lungs.

I am constantly catching up with myself. 

Skipping a heart beat,

checking my pulse and reminding myself that

No, I did not actually just run a marathon

Though I could have sworn I did.

There is a burning in my chest that travels up to my throat,

accompanied with a dizzy head,

and a hot, busy, anxious heart.

I have never been more aware of my breathing, 

or lack thereof.

Its just a little 

anxiety

I know.

I know it is natural, normal, considering all the changes that are coming in the next 10 weeks,

and also considering the load I put on myself

to get there so fast.

I also know that because it is not affecting my daily life-

I am still pushing forward-

it is not dangerously interfering.

and yet....

I could use some help.

I don't know how many read my blog or how often, but if these words meet your eyes,

remember me in your prayers.

Or,

at least,

send me some light and love every time you think about me.

Love, love. 

ps Erika - thanks for the encouragement already. You're sweet and wonderful.