A Hard Day

It's been awhile since I've posted - I've been busy with my boys, our move, my photography business, church, summer, fun things, not fun things, and so on. But today has been a hard one, and since misery loves company or something like that, I felt inspired to write a blog post. Also, I'm lacking motivation to edit photos that need to be edited and so instead I came over here, to my lonely little blog that was in need of some attention.

God has funny timing, and it's one of those days where I just want to cry. I cannot tell you how many times in the past little while where "coincidences" have been rubbed in our faces. We've had a job in another location offered to us the day we signed a year-long-lease in our new place in Maryland. We've had phone calls coming in within minutes of finding out news, telling us to 'go the other way,' 'choose the other path.' We've had contradicting advice left and right - from above and from below. We are spent. We are done. We give up. We will just be a blob of life in our current location until we are shoved in another direction.

I know I'm being cryptic - and it's mostly because I'm too lazy to spell out the entire story, and not because I care if anyone knows. Basically, Adam is looking for another job. Has been since the beginning of the year, and now we are still (endlessly) trying to decide if he should stay government, go contractor, stay Maryland, go out West, or go Foreign. And all FIVE of those options have, at one point or another in the past 6 months, been near-possibilities that we started to prepare for, only to have all of them fail.

You would think that would mean we are just meant to stay where we are, right? I mean, apparently it does, for the time being. Except for the fact that our least favorite option keeps coming back and giving us another chance at it (kind of). Ha, it's hard to explain when you haven't been following along the whole time.

Anyway, on to more misery. We also just started going to our new ward. The first week was hard, quieter and lonelier than you would hope a Christian church to be. Every week since then has gotten better, but it's still an adjustment.

This past month I have stood someone up for a breakfast date I forgot about, lost my ipod, spent a lonely week without Adam while he traveled to Utah for a funeral, accidentally spilled the beans about someone else's secret (I am usually so good about that! What is wrong with me?), broke my camera, and not gotten pregnant. We've spent too much money on moving, having two rents to pay for a month, getting new tires, flying Adam to Utah, and lots of other things.

I mean, I don't even have my head.screwed.on. The other night Adam was looking for my phone and his keys and they were both in my possession last and I couldn't find either one of them and Axton needed to go to bed and I was cranky and this was also the day we found out I had lost the ipod (as a sidenote, I was way less upset about losing that device than I was about the simple fact that I lost it. I was just so aggravated with myself for being 'so careless! So clueless!' and I was just angry at myself. It did not feel good). So when I told Adam I didn't know where either of those items were, he threw his hands up in the air and said, "I can't keep up with you! I  give up!" I said, "K." and stormed off to give Axton a bath. When Axton was in bed, I came back out, picked up my stupid diaper bag, tipped it over onto the couch, and shook everything out of it. Angrily. Crumbs flew everywhere. Crumbs and wrappers and pens and cards and garbage and cheerios and chunks of granola bar, all over the couch. Not to mention my phone --- tumbled out of it. I picked it up and threw it at Adam and then walked into our bedroom to read a book.

Later I said to him, "Do you think I would be like this if I had a 9 to 5 job and spent time with adults all day? Do you realize that I sit at home and, from the ground up, teach a human being how to live life? I started with a child who knew nothing and I have to teach him everything. Do you know what that does to my brain? .....I can't have you "giving up" on me."

Anyway, so we hugged and sorrys and love yous and good feelings and blah blah blah but man! It's just been a rough one. A real douzy. Then today, while I was doing a session with someone, I totally broke my camera. Oh I am still pissed/sick about it. I have an appointment with some geeky guys to look at it because I don't even know what happened.







So you haven't heard from me in 6 weeks and this is what you get! Welcome back to my life! Really though, life is good. It's actually great. I'm generally happy but we do have hard times, and that's when we lean on the Lord. If you haven't seen already, I've started a 365 project where I take a photo everyday for a year. I did a similar project with my best friend a couple years ago, and we made it six months into it. There are some real gems from that project, if you want to check it out: wwm2b.blogspot.com.

I will try to be better about blogging again! I just need to learn to balance my photog stuff, because that's really what's been sucking up all my time lately. Until then!